23:36

Here's a tip if you find yourself hitting a plateau: get a coach the same day you plan to run a 5k. This coach will tell you he wants to know your 5k results in order to plan a training schedule for you. Then, you will feel compelled to haul ass during your 5k so that you can impress this coach from the start. Really, it works.

I ran a small local 5k for women tonight--can't even remember what it was called, actually, except it was in honor of someone named Berna and had "Great Legs" in the title. Anyway, I busted it out at a ridiculous pace (for me) and even got some negative splittage. The boys met me at the finish line, Henry scored some watermelon, and we walked back to the car, everyone happy with the outcome. I love self-handicapping as much as I love negative splittage, but 24:00 seemed like a decent target given my recent plateau, so I was like a pig in slop to get 23:36. I also resembled a pig in slop because I was a nasty, stinky, drippy mess afterwards.

As we walked to the car, I ran into guest blogger Jill, who more than rocked the race. She won! The whole dang thing! I love being associated with winners because it's the closest I get to ever winning anything. She suggested I go look at the standings in case I placed. Huh? Not likely, but sure. I could use another piece of watermelon anyway.



Wanna know what that is? That's a pic of the 3rd place finisher in the 30-39 age group with her son, picking up her trophy. Boo-yah!

My taste of the golden life has only made me crave it more. I want my new coach, Nate, to kick my ass and turn me into a cut-throat machine, a glory-sucking automaton. I want to be the Dyson of triumph: the first winner who doesn't lose suction.

I'm going to start with gradually assuming Jill's identity, beginning with her formula for victory: her granola recipe, which I suppose I'll share with you:

Jill's Breakfast of Champions (my title, not hers; she's too modest for that)

Preheat oven to 300 degrees. Spray large cookie sheet, stone, or baking bar pan.


INGREDIENTS:
6 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
2 cups sliced almonds (slivered or sliced) or chopped walnuts
1 cup unsalted raw sunflower seeds
¼ cup vegetable or canola oil
¾ cup honey
¼ cup real maple syrup
brown sugar for topping
1 cup golden raisins
1 cup chopped dates
1 cup dried cranberries (or craisins)
1 cup raisins (optional – you already have the golden raisins)


TO ASSEMBLE:
Toss the oats, almonds, and seeds together in a large bowl. Set aside. Whisk together the oil, honey, and maple syrup in a medium bowl. Pour the liquids over the oat mixture and stir with a wooden spoon until all the oats and nuts are coated. Pour onto baking pan. Sprinkle with a small amount of brown sugar. Bake, stirring occasionally with a spatula, until the mixture turns a nice, even golden brown, about 40 – 45 minutes. Let cool about 5 minutes. While the oats are cooking, mix the raisins, dates, and cranberries together in a large bowl. When the granola is a little cool, add it to the raisin/date mixture. Mix all ingredients together well. Store in an airtight container. Trounce the competition.