Realizing that my first trail race is 3 weeks away and I haven't run a trail in months, I decided to give it a go this morning. I forgot how much I love running in the woods. Who knew that hurdling fallen logs and crossing little bridges over streams is all it takes to make me happy? And the scenery was so beautiful that I started thinking about how nice it is to feel close to nature. I want to be green, mostly because I want to be cool and loving the environment gets you some major street cred around here. Here are my ideas for being a green runner. Feel free to add your own.
1. Don't step on anything, by which I mean try not to touch the ground. If you find that this is too difficult, run on your tippy toes like a ballerina. It will reduce your impact on the earth, and you'll look totally awesome.
2. If you must smack a mosquito, check first to see if it's male or female. Only the females bite. If you can't tell the difference (and really, who can't tell the difference between a male and female mosquito?), just make sure you don't smear blood on your shirt when you slap that sucker. The bleach you'll need to get the blood out is bad for the environment.
3. If you're a spitter like I am, do your best not to spit in the face of a woodland creature. Unless it's a squirrel. They're glorified rats and need their egos brought down a notch.
4. Instead of using a disposable plastic water bottle, the likes of which are packing our landfills, drink from streams. And puddles. That's like the freshest water you can get, right from nature itself.
5. Stop to hug all the trees. They have feelings, too, and will think you're snubbing them if you don't hug each and every one of them.
6. Adopt endangered species. The long-toed salamander should fit perfectly in the key pocket of your shorts.
7. Contract Lyme disease, and save a deer. I did my part and got Lyme a couple years ago. The spinal tap, migraines, fever, and neck pain were totally worth it if I could save one cute little fawn. There just aren't enough deer these days.
8. Don't buy any running gear that is made in China, in protest of their environmental policies. Plus, you'll look so freakin' sexy running naked.