We're getting 10 inches of snow, followed by ice, followed by rain, which means I've spent the day stuck at home with a 4 year old and conversations that go like this:
Henry: What comes after people?
Me: You mean, what chases people?
Henry: No, I mean first there were dinosaurs, then monkeys, then people. What comes after people?
Me: Computers
To avoid these conversations, or perhaps to address that particular one, I've plugged Henry into Wall-E so I can shovel the driveway twice, since I don't know how to use the snowblower. I thought running was supposed to give me overall fitness? I might have some decent gams, but running does not equip me for a couple hours of squat-and-snow-toss.
While I'm shoveling and, to be honest, during my entire alone time the last three days while Brian is in California, I can't seem to avoid giving myself constant third-person Facebook updates in my head. I think the DSM-IV calls this dissociative identity disorder, but I'm starting to forget if I'm the subject or the object of the updating, which probably qualifies me for some psychiatric intervention.
Do you get wireless in rehab?
Kristina hates snow.
Kristina doesn't know how to use her own #%$&ing snowblower.
Kristina would like to rent your husband to clear her driveway.
Kristina can't stop updating herself.
Kristina needs to get the hell off Facebook.
Make. It. Stop!
What happens if I quit Facebook? Do I instantly lose 97 friends, acquaintances, and random people who think they know me but who I couldn't reject? Is it like Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and quitting Facebook makes you forget the memories that go with each person?
You know it's becoming a problem when your child asks for a glass of milk and you tell him to hold on a second while you see if anyone's written on your wall. "Stop whining, sweetie, someone just poked me."
Here's a curious Facebook head-scratcher for you to analyze. My mother is on Facebook. But she hasn't friended me. If you're a Freudian, you can now see the origins of my status update dissociation problem.
One thing is clear from this affliction; I can read the writing on my Wall. I need another marathon. If I had a race to preoccupy me, I would be much less concerned with
narrating my entire existence in single pithy sentences.
Alright, I haven't updated my status in the last 90 seconds, so I better go and do that.
Kristina is a freaking head case.
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35 comments:
You post was a giggler..oddly enough, my husband is also away for four more days in California and I too just shoveled for 2 straight hours. Isn't that weird?? :) Are you making chicken nuggets in the toaster oven for dinner? ? I am shamed. hehhee
That is too funny! I really do worry sometimes about the lack of "real" connection with all the blogging/face book interaction that is so easy (and addicting)...particularly if you're stuck at home. I shudder when my children (who are in the same house)send me IMs when they want something from me!
It's even worse when you have an iPhone and download the Facebook application... Then Facebook follows you wherever you go!
OMG - that was hilarious! I knew I had to unplug for a while when I was thinking in status updates.
I have one word for you: deactivation. Getting ready to do it again as soon as the snow days stop and I have better things to do. Oh, and don't worry. If you want to reactivate, you can just magically reappear and you keep all of your friends.
i refuse to get on facebook for fear of many things...do you use a garmin device for unning ? i just got one and can't wait to use it.
Be careful! You know what they say -- Facebook is the gateway drug to Twitter...
I'm blaming the day. Stuck inside with the kids. No school. What else are you going to do? Certainly not clean!
You sound stir crazy and I can't say I blame you. Oh, greetings from California, btw! LOL ;)
LOL, funny post. I think I'm more often thinking of blogging things than facebook status updates... but yes, it's addicting. :)
I won't lecture you only because my husband has not left me with two pre-schoolers in the freezing snow--but I will tell you that running an ultra may get you out of facebook duldrums! Or maybe I should join facebook and it will make me stop running! Now there's a thought :) J
ROFL! I'm the same way about facebook and I'm totally mental today after hanging out with two kids all day, thanks to the ice around here.
I just came across your blog. Your one funny girl. The bar has been set and I will be looking forward to more humor...;)
Your post gives me images of 'The Shining' and Jack Nicholson on Facebook. Facebook and cabin fever must go hand in hand.
The gateway drug - that's funny too.
Hilarious! I have been struggling with the reasons why to stay on FB. I've even posted 25 things about me and the last one says "I will be leaving Facebook unless I get 14 reasons why not to". Needless to say my bastard so-called "friends" can't even leave 14! BUT, I did get some very nice reasons-It's hard to leave that is for sure. Is it wrong that I eat my breakfast in front of the computer reading up on everyone's status???!!!
I hope you don't mind I gave this post the shout out it deserves on my post today!
So true, so true... the way I justify FB is that it allows me to passivly keep in touch with 250 ppl instead of activly keeping in touch with a manageable number... oh, wait, when I say it that way, maybe I do have a problem... re the snowblower, I used ours for the first time in that slop yesterday, with only one virtual lesson while sitting on the sofa with a glass of wine the night before - if I can do it, so can you!
I'm so glad my office blocks Facebook. And since I refuse to computer while at home, its an addiction I can't nurtur.
i was very bummed that my office blocked facebook but now i have the iPhone so i can check it all day... AND i can check it whereve i go... i need rehab too - you aren't alone :)
I left messages on FB while on vacation on my phone. I am now separating myself from it, I can't stand how pointless it is yet addicting.
Ha ha ha! I love it. If you find out what happens when you quit, do post. I need to know. FB is my crack.
At least you have answers to your son's questions.
I just found out my Mom is on Facebook, and she told me she doesn't friend her children/nieces and nephews because she doesn't want to invade their privacy. I then become hysterical and scared her with my "Privacy? Facebook? Privacy? Ha, ha. Facebook? Privacy?" rantings.
Re: shoveling exhaustion.
Reminds me of how I can run 13 miles and chat the whole time, but pant like a dog when I mop the 10 x 10 foot kitchen at work.
Very funny...I just joined facebook this week and I can already tell how addicting it is...and the status thing, I'm constantly analyzing if something is funny or interesting enough to put up there.
Love FB! Though I'm not quite at hooked as you yet. :-)
That is so funny! "Sara does the exact same thing as the Marathon Mama". See, there it is... the third-person me is taking over. I think up statuses and blog titles while I run. Glad I'm not the only one!! Oh, and since you're in shoveling-snow mode AND craving a new marathon... run the San Diego Rock & Roll Marathon in May! It was about 80 degrees here today. :D
Just came across your blog. You are hilarious! I relate to the FB addiction too. I too have considered killing it but I have this irrational fear that I will suddenly be cut off from the 200+ people I hadn't thought of or spoken to since high school until I was 'friended' ...hmmm.
Kristina..as you can see, you're not alone in the insane world of Facebook. I'm the same way..sitting here, unemployed during the winter, browsing FB. I like to think when it's warmer, I'll be outside..lets hope it works out that way!
Kristina is writing funny blogs that entertain many folks. Good stuff. DSM-IV and everything.
When I got laid off last week, I was actually relieved. I thought that I had been called into the office to be chastened for spending too much company time on facebook. How weird is that?
Never apologize for your neuroses. Anyone that ever did anything worthwhile was semi-neurotic.
Hahah, I go back and forth from addiction to ignoring it. It can be so addictive.
holy crap. this post is like a window into my soul.
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